Everything is a bit awkward. Emmanuel is very sharply dressed. Michelle is still sad. It’s worthy, but not so funny. Rachael dodges. Matt’s beard is glistening.

Matt’s brother is over it. Matt’s mum cries. Matt cries. Michelle sobs. There’s a dumb shack vignette in the forest. Woke police Chris offers bland advice and bad sweaters.

The one where people screw. Matt has trouble “going deep”. Nobody is allowed to say the word “sex”. If they hinted at a “Ghost” re-enactment with the pottery, did they also imply a “Last Tango in Paris” re-enactment with the butter? Confederacy Rachael is deranged.

Why is everyone just saying “thank you”? Someone say “fuck you”. Filmed before Chris Harrison was racist! Matt cosplays as Tim Howard. The women say vaguely mean things. Nobody learns anything. Victoria has sequins. Chelsea has boots.

Poutine! Confederacy Rachael comes ‘down to earth! The patriarchy (even more than usual). Nemacolin’s Airbnb option. Bri’s friend is also caled Bri. Peppy Serena is less peppy, but more honest. More poutine.

‘Like, bitch, what are you doing?’ Confederacy Rachel keeps truckin'. Heather drives herself. More great boots. More bad kissing. Distracting from Texas' icepocalypse.

Rachael K has some sketchy racist pics and posts. Chris Harrison gives a car crash interview to former Bachelorette Rachel Lindsay, where he attempts to defend this. He doesn’t like wokeness, that’s for sure.

MJ frowns. Katie and Serena RBF manufacture a fight. Chris Harrison’s surprise is…unconvincing. Dead eyes. Get rid of the sex positive chick. Barbie in quarantine.

Filming panic attacks! Shoveling poop! Bland platitudes! JV versus Varsity…Blues? Off the shelf couture. Matt can’t use buttons properly.

ABC and The Bachelor go all in on bullying and sex work shaming. Sex work is work. Anna eats her young. Squirrels! Close your eyes when you kiss.

Selfish scaredy symmetrical Sarah! Serena has stab you in the face face. Everyone at Kit’s high school hated her and wanted to be her. Victoria maybe is becoming a queen. Matt is lame.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer cosplay! Quick drag! Near death experiences! Sudden onset blindness! Second instalment of my “as live” hatewatch of The Bachelor Season 25.

A few years ago I’d never seen an episode of The Bachelor. I’ve since found myself accidentally watching it a few times. Now, rather than just randomly shouting at this heinous, medieval, piece of trash, I thought I’d share my ire with the world (25 seasons in, so really getting to that party on time!).